I believe I can fly

I often take a walk with the kiddies through Old Culinec. Old Culinec is a picturesque little suburb adjacent to ours with lots of cottages and farms and very little traffic. It's a wonderful place, a place where the kiddies can see chickens, ducks, turkeys, even cows up close and where we can all breath in some fresh air.

About a year ago, while we were walking there we came across a baby bird in the middle of the road. It wasn't moving so we assumed it was dead. To our surprise, when we approached it, we realised it wasn't dead at all, rather, seemingly unable to fly. It wasn't even walking, it was just sitting there lifeless, one could almost say resigned to its fate - that it would be stuck there forever, never to be able to fly, most probably to be run over by the next car. Now, being the person I am, I couldn't just leave it there. I thought, what are we going to do? So I picked it up and threw it into the air, literally threw it into the air. And lo and behold, it flew. It flew right up to the nearest tree. And what a beautiful sight it was, watching it fly, striving to what its destiny really was - to fly, to live, to be.

That's exactly how I felt when I first talked to Doodeaux about a month ago and how I always feel when I talk with or email him. This is a man that once said "I think people are going to write wonderful songs for you, with specifically you in mind." Or "your wings are like the heavens." I cried when I read that in his email. Who wouldn't? I'm crying writing it now...

It's funny how silly and banal our first encounter was. But boy, what did it lead to. He approached me at choir and started some small talk with me. How are ya? What ya up to? Blah, blah. Anything but deep and meaningful or life changing, just small talk. But then the conversation took a turn:

"So, Knitting Songbird, what do you do in life?"
"Well, I work at 'The Firm', but it's not really what I want to do."
"What is it you want to do?"
"This is a bit embarrassing, at my age and having the evidently dream job I have, but what I want to do more than anything is sing."
"Sing?"
(I laugh) "Yeah, sing."
And with absolutely no qualms he says "Then we have to record you."

And that was that. Doodeaux gave me wings where other people have tried to clip them, to prevent me from flying, to keep me caged rather than do what I truly believe my destiny is: to fly, to live, to be. God bless him.

All your life you were only waiting for this moment to arise

Well, well you might be asking, what has our Knitting Songbird been up to these past few weeks? I don't know where to start with that question. Lots, and I truly mean, LOTS has been going on. From being sick (again and again - three times this year!) to going to Venice (will do a post soon, promise!!!) to proofreading a chapter that hubby has been writing for an EU book on climate change to this:

http://www.myspace.com/blackmary1

I'm not going to comment on the songs, I'd like you to do that, except to say that to me they are perfect imperfection - or perhaps, imperfect perfection??? You tell me! - and that I had an absolute and utter ball in the studio, as I think we all did. Thanks so, so much to Doodeaux, Ritosa and Danka, the dream team, for making it all happen. They're just amazing, most especially Doodeaux who is such an uplifting, inspirational person. His words of encouragement still ring in my ears and bring tears to my eyes.

And thank you to the people who inspired me to go in this direction in the first place, in order of acquaintance - Ross, for reminding me how much I love music, Eva, for her heart and soul, and Baldo, who "uncovered" my voice.

And last, but definitely not least, thank you to all my family and friends. Wouldn't be here, there or anywhere without them.

Just to let you know, next on the list of planned songs to record are "Blackbird" and "Who knows where the time goes" which I will do with a guitarist called Igor. Unfortunately, he had an operation recently and is still in hospital recouperating. But hey, I've waited this long, will be patient for a little while longer, non?

Well, now it's time to dust off these broken wings and learn to fly.

Watch what happens

I remember my mum always telling me stuff like "Every cloud has a silver lining" and "When God closes a door he opens a window". And the older I get, the more I realise how true this is. After the upsetting episodes of late, which thankfully have passed, I received some really great news yesterday. Interesting that this news came to me on "Epiphany". The radioman got back to me and says he would like us to meet next week. He would have scheduled something this week, he said, but all the recording studios are closed (off skiing apparently. Did someone mention a recession???). But next week, gravity takes its hold and life goes back to normal after the silly and skiing season. So he'll be able to let me know how to go about recording a CD.

When I first read the email, I almost dropped my BeBe. My stomach was in a veritable knot and I felt the acid slowly making its way up my esophogus while my heart rate went from 60 to 600 in a matter of seconds. In short, I got a full on anxiety attach. See, besides you guys out there in the blog world and a few very close friends, I haven't told anyone about wanting to record a CD, let alone a music professional (besides Ross of course!). And I've never had any contact whatsoever with a recording studio or the like. So it's like, this is it man, it's friggin' happening. What now???

Well, ride with the tide, baybee. I know that it's gonna be a hard and rough ride, but along with the lows, I've got a feeling there are gonna be a lot of high and exciting waves out there for me to jump onto. Here's hoping, man!

And of course I'll let you know how it goes next week. What, you think I wouldn't??? Who else is listens to ranting and raving besides you guys, God love ya all.

Su le finestre mostra a tutto il mio cuore che ai acceso

For the past two weeks, I have been sitting in "my" room, "my" being a very wide term to describe this room where I sing, play the piano, write blogs, knit, make teddies, read and do a plethora of other activities in, usually on my own or sometimes with hubby in the armchair next to me, always with his laptop atop his lap, mouse in hand, without any curtains. This may seem like a strange state of affairs but the basic fact of the matter is that I'm just too plain lazy to put the curtains up. As is the custom in these here parts, I washed them just before Christmas (as I did most of the nooks and crannies in the house) but haven't had the strength to get up on a step ladder and stick approximately 50 pins through 50 holes and put them up. Now I've gotten more than used to being "curtainless".

I particularly like being "curtainless" while I'm singing. See, I have a view of the backyard and the field behind our house from the window. And although the trees are bereft of their leaves and the grass has turned a sickly yellow and the plants are languid at the moment, it nonetheless fills my heart with joy to see this view. Particularly the day before yesterday when some birds came to listen to my singing on a tree about a metre and half from the window. My first "real" audience, I thought, cool, this is nice.

My curtainless room also reminds me of my current state of mind. I too feel curtainless. Namely, because I finally sat down today and wrote that email to that radioman, the email I have been planning to write since I came back from France in September but have been too chicken to do so. But I feel the time is right, despite the fact that my stomach is in a knot and my heart feels as though it's going to jump out of my chest and I feel completely and utterly exposed - to ridicule, laughter, criticism. But I said to myself, Songbird, it's Christmas, it's a time for making wishes and for making them come true. JUST DO IT! And I did. So wish me luck. I'll definitely keep you posted on the outcome - if there is any, that is! But even if there isn't, I won't give up. I'm too Taurean to do that!

And here's the song that inspired the title of this post. Sing it almost every day. Won't make it on the CD unfortunately, doesn't fit in with the concept swimming round my head, but I love the song anyways.

A change is gonna come

I listened to Otis Redding today. Now I haven't listened to Otis in at least 2 years. But I needed his earthy, soulful voice today to take the edge off. I've been feeling terribly tense and stressed out these last couple of days. See, I'm entering a very important astrological phase at the moment, an astral triad. Now don't ask me to explain what exactly it is, which planets it involves and whatnot. I just know that it's a more or less once in a lifetime occurance. This is the time to either be or not to be, it's now or never, this songbird can either spread her wings and fly or stay roosting in her nest until God knows when. And I don't feel like roosting no more.

But big steps have to be taken if I want to take flight. I know where to start - I have to contact my friends at Radio 101 to see how I can go about recording a CD. But what if they laugh their heads off when I sing with my treacly, quasi Julie Andrews voice? What if I fall flat, bang on my face? What when they ask me, what songs I wanna sing? What style? I think I can do a max of 5 - 6 songs at best. Which ones, which style, I've no bloody idea. I like a lot of stuff - jazz, classics (wince!), soul, folk, Frenchie stuff...now besides the tension in my neck and back, I'm starting to get a headache...

Then I need a pianist. Where the hell do I find one of those? I don't wanna record something with a bloody backup tape. I want the real deal. I want someone who's gonna follow my moves, who waits for my pauses, who keeps my pace. Yeah, I love how Eva, Edith and Ella do their stuff, but I don't think it's right to copy them word for word, letter for letter, note for note. Then it wouldn't be the Knitting Songbird singing, it would be a very, extremely, horribly bad imitation of some pretty phenomenal women! But who's gonna want to accompany my treacly voice?

So yeah, I've got the tension, I've got the headache, I know I could fall flat bang on my face, but I know that if I don't do it now, I'll never do it, I just know it, astral triad or not. I'm bloody 37 years old, for Christ's sake! And I'll always think of what could have been. This songbird needs to dust off her wings, she needs to fly, she needs to sing no matter what...a change has gotta come, man...

And here's the wonderful, fabulous, king of soul himself, Otis Redding. Yeah, I like Sam Cooke's version of this song best, but Otis does a pretty bloody good version too!



Take care,
The Knitting Songbird

I have a dream

Who can forget the inimitable Abba, the, to me, ultimate Euro pop band, the band that entered the scene like a supernova way back in 1972. I have to admit that I'm not embarrassed to admit that I loved them and still do. There was a period when it was uncool to admit you liked Abba and suppressed the feeling but then "Muriel's Wedding" came out and all those old childhood memories came flooding back - me with my pigtails, in my kneehigh Abba socks, cycling circles around Belmore Park. And I started listening to them again.

I think that one of the first albums I put on my record player as a child was an Abba album. I can't for the life of me remember the name of it but I know it was black and the band members were in a kind of "circle", girls standing at the back, boys kneeling in front. I liked Frida 'cause she was dark haired like me and was always, even though she usually sang lead vocals, seemed "second best" to Agnetha who was "the girl with golden hair", the pretty one. I didn't have golden hair and most certainly was never the pretty one, far from it, so Frida was a hero.

They mixed so many styles - from disco in "Dancing Queen" or "Waterloo" to the latin-esque in "Fernando" to moving ballads like "I have a dream" or "One of us". During their "out" period I dismissed their song writing as dumb, crass, bubblegum stuff. But listening to them now, I have to say that that perception is totally wrong. I mean, who could compare a break up to Napolean's ultimate downfall or a soldier in the Mexican revolution or sending out an SOS like Abba did? And compared to today's pop standards, Bjorn and Benny were bloody Mozart and Beethoven!

Way back when, I liked the high energy stuff, "Mamma mia" and "Ring, ring" were my favourites. But I now prefer the more "high brow" stuff, if you can call an Abba song that!!! Two of my favourite songs nowadays are "I have a dream" and "Thank you for the music", in particular the latter. Although I'm not the "girl with the golden hair" or "have a talent", the song rings so true to me. The lyrics go like this:

I'm nothing special, in fact Im a bit of a bore
If I tell a joke, you've probably heard it before
But I have a talent, a wonderful thing
cause everyone listens when I start to sing
I'm so grateful and proud
All I want is to sing it out loud

Refrain:
So I say
Thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing
Thanks for all the joy they're bringing
Who can live without it, I ask in all honesty
What would life be?
Without a song or a dance what are we?
So I say thank you for the music
For giving it to me

Mother says I was a dancer before I could walk
She says I began to sing long before I could talk
And I've often wondered, how did it all start?
Who found out that nothing can capture a heart
Like a melody can?
Well, whoever it was, I'm a fan

Refrain

I've been so lucky, I am the girl with golden hair
I wanna sing it out to everybody
What a joy, what a life, what a chance!

Now, it would be a huge lie to say "I have a talent" 'cause I don't. But I don't think that's the entire point. Nothing can capture my heart like a melody can. And so, I'm gonna try and make my dream come true 'cause as Abba says "If you see the wonder of a fairy tale you can take the future even if you fail".

Why not give it a try even if I do fail? We learn from our mistakes, don't we? And isn't life too short not to go after your dreams? So when I come back from France in a week and a bit, I'm gonna write an email to my friends at 101 and see how I can go about recording a CD. I know I ain't gonna be an Eva or Ella or Edith but hey, I can be a Mary, can't I? Will keep you posted :)

And here's the song:



Take care and go after your dreams,
The Knitting Songbird

Let other folks make money faster

Don't ask me why but while I was practising my singing yesterday I decided to take out an old book from my uni years and came across a song I sung for my 5th Grade AMEB exam. It's called Linden Lea by R. Vaughan Williams. The melody is deceptively simple (deceptively, because it's always the simple melodies that are the hardest to get across emotionally), almost like a hymn, and is very lovely and moving. This is the best version I could find on Youtube:



But when I gave it a try (and failed miserably after not having sung it for 16 odd years!), it was the words that touched me most. They go like this:

Within the woodlands, flow'ry gladed
By the oak trees' mossy moot
The shining grass blades, timber shaded
Now do quiver underfoot
And birds do whistle overhead
And water's bubbling in its bed
And there for me, the apple tree
Do lean down low in Linden Lea

When leaves, that lately were aspringing
Now do fade within the copse
And painted birds do hush their singing
Up upon the timber tops
And brown leaved fruit's a turning red
In cloudless sunshine overhead
With fruit for me, the apple tree
Do lean down low in Linden Lea

Let other folk make money faster
In the air of darkroom'd towns
I don't need a peevish master
Though no man may heed my frowns
I be free to go abroad
Or take again my homeward road
To where, for me, the apple tree
Do lean down low in Linden Lea

The text was written by the Dorset poet William Barnes in the 1840's/1850's (not sure of the exact date) who wrote a lot of poetry in the Dorset dialect. As Wikipedia says "Barnes's poems are characterised by a singular sweetness and tenderness of feeling, deep insight into humble country life and character, and an exquisite feeling for local scenery" which holds very true for Linden Lea.

Not one to give up so easily, I gave it a try again today and it turned out better than yesterday. I would be so bold as to say that it turned out better than it did 16 odd years ago. Unfortunately, my voice isn't as lovely and supple as it was then, just like the rest of me (singing an open high A was a piece of cake, now I can just baaaarely get an open E flat out) and the notes do sometimes sound a bit forced, but I think I get the words across better than I did then.

I was always environmentally aware - you know, recycling stuff, saving water, I was born on Earth Day after all! - but I now understand our connection to nature more deeply. My dream now isn't to have an apartment somewhere in the North Shore overlooking the Opera House and Harbour Bridge as it was then, rather, a little wooden cottage, somewhere in Gorski Kotar with a vegetable patch, an orchard and some bees to call my own, somewhere where I can put my ear to the ground and listen to my veggies and fruit growing.

Yeah, I know, I'm a typcial baka (granny)!!!

Now go for a nice walk somewhere instead of being on the net :)
The Knitting Songbird